These Craigslist Ads Looking For Odd Services Are Hilarious, Good Fun

Using Craigslist is a little bit like online dating. It would be so much easier if you didn’t have to meet these people in real life.

For Kelly Mahon, a New York advertising copywriter, she’s not worried about meeting weirdo Craiglist people in real life, because she loves pretending to be one of the weirdos.

Mahon began writing odd but hilarious Craigslist ads as a side project ― an outlet for her creativity and weirdness. She soon found that Craigslist was its own bizarre world, where people are willing to do anything if there’s something in it for them.

We’ve listed some of the best below. And to see the awkward interactions it leads to, check out her site “Seeking … ”

Assistance eating burritos

I recently broke most of the bones in my body and am in a full body cast. I’m not looking for sympathy people, it’s all good―I moved back in with my mom and she’s taking great care of me. But there’s one thing she won’t do. She thinks I eat too many burritos. . . I don’t care, I love burritos and I’m gonna eat them, damnit. I can have the burrito delivered, but I have no way of eating it by myself. I need someone to come feed it to me through the mouth hole of my cast every day for the next few months. Email me if you’re interested, it’s been four days since my last burrito and I’m dying here.

Lobster Racing

Looking for individual to participate in biweekly lobster race. The way it works is, we set up an obstacle course around my apartment. The first lobster to cross the finish line wins. No worries if you don’t have your own lobster costume, I have a spare (size M-L). Beginners are welcome this month since I twisted my ankle, which has greatly impacted my agility.

Caravan driver needed

I’m looking for someone to drive my mobile strip club, Cha Cha Bingos, around the city on week nights, while dancing. All you have to do is strip down to your drawers while safely moving our dancers and lovely patrons around the city. Must have a fun personality. Must obey traffic laws. Must have rhythm. Must be a male.

Help finding ants

I knocked over my son’s ant farm. He’s very attached to these ants so I need someone to come help me find them all and put them back into the farm. They’re running around everywhere. I wouldn’t let me son take the farm with him to his dad’s this weekend and now I’ve spilled them all over. He is going to kill me. I need to do this before he gets home tonight.

Help me reunite with my biological parents

So after months of searching, I found my biological parents. They have no idea I’ve been looking for them, so I thought I’d spring the news in a sort of hilarious way. My birth mom takes the M17 bus every evening back up to the Upper East Side. I need someone to jump out in a trench coat and pretend to flash her. (You can wear a nude body suit, which I will provide.) I’ll be watching from nearby, so I will emerge at the right moment and save the day, at which point you can make a clean getaway, as I will be revealing to her that I am her son and we’ll embrace and catch up on the past 34 years and she’ll be very distracted and forget how we got into the whole mess to begin with. 

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